There are times to forgive and there are times to just move on. The former is preferable, the latter is sometimes unavoidable. The dilemma was brought up recently by James, over at Luke I Am Your Father, regarding an insensitive prick acquaintance who spoke inappropriately about his son. It has also been foremost in the agenda of the UK tabloid media thanks to the recent revelation that John Terry had an affair with Vanessa Perroncel, the ex-girlfriend of Wayne Bridge.
For those who have escaped this tale until now, the two men are both England footballers and were apparently best friends when both playing for Chelsea. It is said that the affair took place “shortly after Bridge split from his girlfriend”.
I should point out that she is the mother of Bridge’s child. I should also point out that Terry is married with children.
Now add the fact that this news broke when Mr Terry was England captain with the World Cup only 100 or so days away and you had a story. In response, team-mates of Wayne Bridge at Manchester City publicly started wearing “Team Bridge” shirts. The question arose ‘How can John Terry be England captain with the dressing room likely to be split’? Sure enough, he was promptly stripped of the captaincy, though not his place in the team.
This weekend the two men’s teams met in a Premier League clash. Bridge stated before the game he would refuse to shake Terry’s hand before kick-off when the teams lined up, stating as his reason the fact that Terry had refused to apologise. Bridge was true to his word and blanked Terry as he passed him. There was bad blood amongst other players, Carlos Tevez of City squaring up to Terry and two Chelsea players being sent off. (By the way, City won 4-2.)
Finally, Bridge announced that after much consideration he was not making himself available for selection for the upcoming World Cup as he felt his place in the team, was untenable and potentially divisive.
So, still with me? Here’s my point.
We spend our lives teaching our children to say sorry when they do something wrong. We spend our lives teaching our children to be loyal to their friends and to make up with them when they have upset them. We spend our lives teaching our children that bad people get punished and don’t prosper.
So how come John Terry is going to the World Cup while Wayne Bridge stays at home?
I’ll tell you why. Because this country is more concerned with our precious chances of lifting the World Cup than we are with the message that this sends to our children. If I was the England Manager I would like to think I would have said this: no man is bigger than the team and it is wrong that a player or players who have done nothing wrong are driven out by one who has selfishly and unapologetically caused division and disharmony within the team. And anyway, if we are really so reliant on one man to hold things together, do we really think we deserve (or have a realistic chance) of winning the World Cup?
Perhaps I would have more sympathy with Terry if he had apologised. Perhaps I would have more sympathy with him if he hadn’t previously sold his executive box at Wembley stadium for thousands of pounds a time. (Like he needed the money!) Perhaps if he’d behaved better I wouldn’t consider the best description of him one I heard on a radio phone-in the other day: “he has the morals of an alley cat”.
It doesn’t come easily to me to be judgmental. But I hear people talking about the importance of Terry as an England player as if it has some sort of equivalence to the moral injustice and hurt that the families of both men have suffered. As if talking about football enough will make possible the weighing of a World Cup against the wrecking of a family’s life. I’m sorry, but for me at least, it won’t.
I love reading your posts about football because, knowing nothing about it other than it’s a big deal, I have no perspective but yours. It’s refreshing.
What I found interesting about this, though, is that there is still some divisiveness over it. It seems that in the states, we have decided that our sport figures are entertainers first and role models dead freakin’ last. We don’t ever expect them to exhibit good sportsmanship, morality, fairness or generosity. We expect them to be ruthless, cruel playboys with money to burn.
I agree with you. Athletes should be held accountable for their actions off the field. The good guys should win and the bad guys should lose. If only everyone agreed.
Also, I promise to quit writing you novels in the comments.
Jessi, It’s interesting that your sportsmen are not even expected to be sporting. That is sadly becoming more true here too.
But equally they are not just considered entertainers. A few years ago, top footballer Roy Keane derided his clubs fans for being too quiet, complaining they were more interested in eating their prawn sandwiches. Far from bringing derision upon him as a highly paid entertainer who should have respect for his audience, most fans agreed with him, even many at his club. In football, the fans feel obliged to be loyal to the players in the same way they did when the players were as poorly paid as the spectators. I can’t say I feel that way, but I think it’s still largely true.
And please do NOT stop writing novels in my comments! It’s nice to have some feedback and discussion.